no one in front of me and nothing behind

[bibliothekara]

Okay, I'm trying to venture out onto the moor, even though I'm mentally shaking. I know that the dragon is only in my head. He's only in my head.

And yes, I'm a drama queen. Background, because I haven't been much for the personal posts on this here LJ, but I must vent: I've been living at home for the last two years, but I have a Plan. The Plan, is that once I've saved up enough, I move out, to (what looks right now to be) Philly, New Brunswick, or Boston. Go get my MLIS, and move out on my own. Which I need to do, really truly, love my family though I do, because complacency is bad, y'all.  I've saved up enough right now, through the grace of my wonderful mother, that I think Sept. 2010 is the target date. Which means Feb.1 is zero hour. So I really need to start doing this thing.

I  bit the bullet, I have all the information in front of me, printed out. I have a folder. I HAZ A FOLDER. (Folders are important.) I have the GRE score. All  of the College's Registrar shit is online now. I  have two wonderful bosses at The Project who've said they'll write  rec letters fore me. This can happen, it will happen.

So why am I so fucking terrified?

Because I am, also, sadly, a sincere and incredibly neurotic pussy who fears change. I spin in my head, for everything in my life, ways it can go wrong, ways I can fuck it up.

Must repeat to self: I can do this. I *can* do this. This is not a bad thing.

fuck, shite and buggerall.

Comments

[galeni.livejournal.com]

Yes you can. We have faith. And the fear is normal, too.

[katewallace.livejournal.com]

I think everyone, in some way, is afraid of change, even when it's going to be change for the better. But you don't really 'know' that it's going to be better, you just hope it is, so you're afraid. Many, many years ago we were going to have to move to a small town in western Michigan from my hometown (large, and warmer and less snow) and I was a basket case. Panic attacks, the whole nine yards.
Outcome: the years we spent there were some of the best we've had as a family. So you never know but to move forward and grow, you have to try. You CAN do this, it's not a BAD thing, I know you can!